If you read my Week 3 Blog, you can pretty much guess what the following week was going to be like. And that would be the week that we, in this MKE journey, were told to dig in and give 100%. Little did that person (Mark J) know what was happening in “my world.” What would’ve been his response if he did know? Would he have been sympathetic and suggested I take it easy? Would I get a pass just because I was going through something? Actually, he would’ve said, “Dig in and give 100%.” I remember what he said about giving 100%. Mark said, “Don’t do the best you can, just do your best.” Well, I had a reason to do the best I could, but chose to do my best. And that was 100%.
This past week was a particularly rough week. I had to deal with the death of three people, two who were close to me and one other via an acquaintance, yet there were four deaths. You might being thinking those numbers don’t add up, so let me explain.
First, there was the death of the sister of a friend; the sister (Carol) I’ve never met. My friend, Cathy, is also a member of the same networking group, Profit Partners (PP), I belong to. Her sister passed on last Tuesday. Then, on the same day a friend from college (Lynette) passed away from cancer. Then, on Wednesday, my nephew (Shuron) died from complications resulting from his diabetes. Finally, there was a fourth death. That one I’ll address later.
Let’s take this by the numbers. When Cathy informed PP that Carol passed, we wanted to do something to support her. We decided to send the family food instead of flowers, because that was more practical. As the President of the group, I was tasked with getting a quote from a trusted chef, making the announcement at the PP meeting, collecting the money, and paying the chef. When it came time to collect the money a the next meeting, we came nowhere close to the amount quoted by Chef Rudy. (It was during that meeting when I had to check Facebook for something that I saw the post announcing my friend Lynnette had passed). By then I’d already told Cathy that we were bringing her the food. I didn’t want to let her and her family down, because I knew that would take off some of the burden of feeding people. So, I decided to fix a great big pot of spaghetti sauce along with the pasta, bread, and desert with the money already donated. I had it all planned out and was literally about to get in the car to go to the store, when my wife called and said that Shuron was in the hospital and that the doctors told his mother to call the family into the hospital. So, that put a halt to me getting the food for Cathy prepared. We rushed up to the hospital to be with family. Shuron passed the next day.
So, as you can see death was all around me last week. Emotionally I’m ok. It’s still a lot to deal with, but we will get through it all, by Faith.
Now if you’re wondering about the fourth death, it was not the death of a friend or family member, coworker or neighbor. It was the death of something very close to me though. Remember, I was supposed to prepare the food for Cathy’s family, but with all the other deaths at the same time, when was I supposed to do it? My initial plan to do it was ruined. Where was I to get the time? In those moments all I kept hearing in my head was “do it now. do it now. do it now…..I always keep my promises – Owen Norris”. Without any hesitation or explanation, on Thursday morning around 6:30 am I went to Walmart, bought all my ingredients, went home, fixed the spaghetti, and delivered it to Cathy later that morning – and cleaned up all my mess. That fourth death was the death of the excuses I would have come up with for not keeping my promise before starting this MKE. It was the death of the excuses for me not to do my best in completing my assignments. This fourth death is the death and destruction of an old blue print. You see, “Today, my old skin has become as dust.” Today, is a really good day.
I want to give a big shout out to my Observer (me). My Observer reminds what’s at stake. My Observer is the one that keeps things in perspective. It shows me that when the old blueprint wants to take charge and keep me from “full steam ahead”, that it would be a huge mistake to not plow through. My Observer keeps the vision of the new me alive.
Ever since I started this journey to reveal my Golden Buddha, I’ve had the hardest time chipping away the cement. Yet every time I knocked a piece off it somehow grew back. Go figure. Well, I finally realized cement doesn’t grow. What does grow back are the bad habits and poor decision making abilities. That had to change. But how? What was missing?
So, I’m going to skip over for now all the pieces of my puzzle I’ve put together to this point and focus on the role of my Observer. It’s a simple, yet necessary role. My Observer allows me to “see and feel” my new life. That’s what was missing. Yes, I could see it, but I couldn’t feel it. My Observer gave me both.
Full steam ahead!
When I decided that I was seriously ready for a radical change in my life, little did I know what I was in for. I mean, I knew that years of acting out the programming that was laid from birth wasn’t going to change over night and without a fight, but little did I know just how powerful those programs were. I think about the image of a man with the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other doing battle, fighting for control. Or, how the poor guy in many a movie where his multiple personalities are vying for the throne of his mind. Well that how I felt on a few occasions this week as my journey for self discovery began.
Ok, so I figured I had to develop some “thing” that would give me a fighting chance; something that I could latch onto – some mantra – that would give that little angel a fighting chance. After much thought I found that what resinated with me most was to repeat to myself, when that little devil was acting up, “that’s your old blueprint, so don’t let it win”. Amazingly it works – most of the time. What I thought about was that it is my blueprint I’m trying to change, so KISS. No need for 5 4 3 2 1 go. I want a new and improved blueprint for my life, so why not simply don’t let the old one win. And as for the new blueprint, I trust the vineyard I’m being led to.
Thanks for joining me!
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton